by I’ve been pondering a particular personality affet and I th ink I’ve come up with at least a way to describe it. I was doing some home improvement and had to come up with an ingenious solution. A few years ago, in a fit of family hard working, me and the kids responded to a craigslist ad for a free hot tub, if you can come get it today. Sure enough, they were tearing down the deck on which it set, and me and the kids, and the owner, lowered that thing into our trailer. He was generous enough to stop us to give us his box of chemicals. It sat for a few weeks while we figured a plan to get it over the knee wall to the patio. But again in what also seems like an amazing family feat for us, we used boards and kid power to get it, in one piece, over the wall and in place. After saving up for the hookup, which was almost $2,000. We put the hot tub into service.
It was time for maintenance and one thing that has bugged me is that it leans. The whole patio leans. It has over the last 50 years, subsided substantially. Around 5 inches at the house foundation, and then at a slope off toward the back yard. The slab is flat, but now has a slope or grade. Its not noticable usually but, the hot tub draws my attention. The water is level, showing clearly that the tub is not.
So the last day or two has been attempting to level the hot tub. In place. Its a choice. Not the worst or the best. I had some concrete and it seemed simple enough: raise up tub, level tub while raised, shove concrete under tub. And I stand by that plan. I am aware that there are other ways to solve the problem. And that is what this about. People and other ways. As I knelt there scooping, and pushing trowelfulls of concrete under the tub, making a perfectly sloped little pad, and I tried to think of what wa the best way, and if I was being efficient, or proper, just evaluating my choices. My mind goes through people. And simulates that person’s thoughts. I kind of wish I could turn that off. But I can’t. In fact, my mind often summons the avatar of people before I’ve even asked it too. And those avatars, have things to say. Strong things, and they have .. this is the important part … guilt, sin, and shame to deliver. Oh and ridicule.
Guilt: “your are wasting your time”, “You know what else needs to be done”
Sin: “this is wrong, and you know its wrong, because there is a harder way and you are not doing it”
Shame: “Thats dumb…. look at it.. how on earth is that supposed to? What do you think ? Why would you? (The ends of the question arent important, because they just shaming questions, the asker will never accept and answer)
Ridicule: “hahaha, you actually think that is going to work? No seriously *Hahahha* YOU think that will work!?!?
I summoned them today, but usually, if its relatively important, they magically become present. I’m learning to summon others, helpful, wonderful, encouraging, supportive, fun others, but that’s another essay. I think I’ve got a handle on one of the types.
The Experientialist.
The tell for the experientialist I’m describing is scoffing. That ridicule of ‘pshhhh… are you serious?’ ‘.. ha.. stuuupid.’. So I asked the internet about scoffing and psychology, and it delivered me a video by ‘the last symptom’, talking of his own journey, and he describes perfectly this mentality/personality. Watch and lets discuss: (6min )
This guy is describing an event and this is the personality. This. So I’ve been trying the words to use to talk about type, and the usual terms people have tried don’t work, and this is important, because they fit poorly, people are able to say ‘well that’s surely not me’, its like looking at security footage and seeing someone who looks like the your main suspect, but then you see that the guy has a big scar, and your suspect doesn’t. “HA! not me!”. Likewise imprecise terminology doesn’t really apply well. People rightfully so reject it, even though it describes most of a trait, the parts that don’t fit cause the whole thing to be rejected. Terms that are close are Narcissist, self-centered, self-involved, egocentric. I think the behaviors all fit in these terms, but they all carry a sense of meanness, evil, or mistreatment also. They all describe not just a personality trait, but in some way, bad people.
So more looking and there is ‘the Experientialist’. Defined: experientialism in American English (ikˌspɪəriˈenʃəˌlɪzəm)
noun : maintains that personal experience is the only or the principal basis of knowledge.
In my thinking I would have described it as a person who’s only source of truth is themselves, and sources they already set. They are completely self sure and self based. They arenet the center of the universe, but any new information is scrutinized against the ‘inner truth’ they possess, they are the center of that truth. I imagine from their perspective, they would say ‘I have no reason to believe that..’ or ‘I have no reason to take that in..’
I was thinking the ‘self-blank’ terms would be a fit, because the thread is that ‘they don’t see it, they haven’t experienced it, they don’t believe anyone who says they have’. And, this is what the video says so clearly. Its a mentality that will not accept as true, anything that they have not experienced themselves. In practice, when you reach a disagreement with this personality, there is little sense discussing or arguing with them. No argument from outside their own head, or that can be directly tied to their own personal experience will be considered. Even when the argument is logically proven, the type scoffs ( that’s not true, maybe its a trick) , and says ‘for now, let’s agree to disagree’.
A level tub
So as I thought of my solution for leveling the tub, my experientialist friends were there. And I guess this is why it stuck with me, because logic doesn’t work in disagreements with them. So I gave my reasoning and arguments to simulated friends, and they scoffed. I gave more explanation and deeper arguments and they scoffed more, and then they turned to ridicule and I got frustrated with them. I got frustrated because I couldn’t get them hear what I was saying. And now I see that’s because they don’t hear. They don’t have the ability to hear. They are not processing new information. They are mining their experience for more things to prove themselves right maybe, they are thinking of any experience that would have already agreed with the other person, but they are not taking in information.
Perhaps in the future I would do well to treat them like a notice, or safety-buoy, or a flashing light – there is no reasoning with it, it says either obey me or not. They do not demonstrate the ability to reason about the issue at hand. So I shouldn’t try reason with them. Or explain myself for that matter. The further explanations can’t be added to their thinking. They can just be compared to whats already on the list, and its as simple as if it agrees yes, if not no.
So my method isn’t great – or bad. Its just a method. And any method employed, is better than no method, employed or a dozen methods argued over. I lifted it to peek, and its working exactly the way I want it to.
